Rel and I flew back to Utah on the 11th. I woke up to this very subtle sign in my front yard. I have a love/hate emotion attached to signs like this. While it makes me feel extra loved it also comes with extra attention seeking. I desperately want to be “seen” by the people I love and who love me. However, there are way too many people out there that I don’t care to be thought of by at all. I’d MUCH rather receive a text or phone call, than only a shout out on social media. I don’t have a Facebook and rarely look at Insta and people who know me and love me, know this. While the signage is a much more localized shout out, it makes me feel awkward too. I’ve always thought of myself as the oxymoron social/anti-social and this fits that description. But I am not going to complain either…does this sound like a complaint? It’s very cute and very thoughtful, although it feels safer in my Somerset neighborhood. I wonder why that is.

Aub sent me beautiful flowers.

B always gets me flowers too.

Four of the kids, Kenna, Jake, Elisha and the girls came over for dinner and hung out. It was a good day and very little jet lag, surprisingly.

I’ll be honest though. There are a lot of reasons I’m not loving my 50’s. These include empty nesting (missing kiddos and busy lives) and retirement emotions and logistics. I also struggle with achy joints, menopause, insomnia, health issues, and audits. The government dysfunction, remodels, and moving in and out are other challenges. Kids adulting (both good and sad), wrinkles, and friend issues add to the mix. Getting closer to 60 is another factor. Taking care of stupid dogs as empty nesters who move around is more of a pain than I realized. There are also rotten neighbors, time flying for the good stuff, and dragging for the other. Loneliness and dependence on reading glasses are issues too—just to name a few. I know I should be grateful for every new day. Waking up at all is a blessing. But, man, I did not see most of this coming. I feel very scared for the next decades. I am very clear on the fact that I do want to make it to 100. Now that will be a good party!

And this is the only photo I found with a few of us in it.